Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Mommy Date

I took my younger daughter with me on an errand tonight and we stopped in Starbucks for a cookie. Normally Starbucks is my guilty pleasure and an "adult only" store (they have way too much in touching range for a two and three year old to be trusted). But, I never get time alone with the little one so we went in. She had water, I had decaf, we shared a package of Madelines. She sat across from me at the table in her "princess dress" and sweater, laughing and pointing out what everyone was doing in the store. Her words are becoming clearer, her hair is getting longer, she looks more like a little girl than a baby. It was one of those moments that made me so sad and happy at the same time. Babies get bigger, that's how it is supposed to work. She is already amazing and I can see God's fingerprints all over her. I can't wait to see what she grows into, to see the woman she becomes. But, oh how I wish I could save just a little of this precious two year old!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Why Inside Out?

I am a "ranker". No, I don't smell rank. Well, maybe I do, but that's beside the point. What I mean is, if I'm not keeping an eye on it, I have the tendency to rank and categorize everyone around me and put myself on the scale somewhere. Then I can play the "I am better than/I am worse than" game. Which is another way of saying I get to either have contempt for others or contempt for me. Either way, I get to be off the hook for seeing the person as a real person and sort of turn them into a number ("You are cooler than me, +2. I am smarter than you, -5"). Not exactly a good way to extend love to other humans.

So, as I've spent lots of time looking at this tendency (God has a funny way of bringing it up over and over again), I have gleaned little bits of insights. One of those came from a friend who said, "Just remember, you are comparing your insides to everyone else's outsides." So, when I compare, I only really know how I feel inside about things--my snobbery or insecurity--and compare it to whatever anyone else is showing outside.

And I have a choice: will I work hard to make my outsides look better to compare to everyone else or get off the ranking game, stop holding everyone at arms length and let my insides out? The right answer and the reality don't always match but I'm working on it.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Nine Days and Counting

I am a registered voter. This is a job I take very seriously. I vote in the elections no one goes to--school bond overrides, city council elections, water board. I even research these things so I can vote (semi) intelligently. I grew up going to the polls with my parents. My husband and I take our kids even though they are still toddlers. Like I said, I take it seriously.

And yet, I just can't seem to get excited about the upcoming presidential primary. I guess the first problem is that there are TWENTY-FLIPPIN'-FOUR candidates on the ballot. That is for one party. The other problem is that, of those 24, I have exactly zero that I know enough about to toss my hat into his/her ring. I was able to eliminate a few since they dropped out but I think that leaves 21. Sigh.

I really don't want to wade through 21 people's stump speeches to try and figure out who most represents my views. I also don't want to just settle for popular opinion, charisma, electability or some other shmoe reason that people give as to how they picked their candidate.

Why is it that I have all this angst when so many people out there skip voting with no problem?

Maybe I'll stay in bed February 5.

Or maybe I'll be up until 3 a.m. for the next week trying to find the "one".

This is a test...

I've been sucked into the dark side of (cue ominous music) MOMMY BLOGGING!

I'm not really much of a journal keeper, which is kind of how I view blogging but I have a problem (or five): occasionally I have something I'd like to write that rolls around in my mind but I have no outlet. And so it rolls....and rolls...and...etc.

Also, I have friends who keep moving away and I keep meaning to write to update them on my life and I keep not doing it. If they have blogs, I read them and get all the details on their lives but do I return the favor? Nope. Maybe I can catch them all at once this way.

So, this is a test. Will I ever write more than one entry? Will the anxiety of turning out quality material squash my natural creative process? Will I ever have time to sit down at the computer? I guess we'll find out.