Friday, August 22, 2008

Insomnia is a Waste of Time

I am used to interrupted sleep. In the last five years, I've gotten up at least once nearly every night. I've been awakened for my own bathroom needs, the bathroom needs of others, nursing time, bad dreams, bad cat manners (I have one cat who thinks he eats breakfast at 4 a.m.), and--more than once--to clean up throw-up. It has gotten to the point that I wake up on my own by habit if I am not awakened by anyone else.

The skill in this is that I don't usually wake up more than enough to perform the duties required. I can pat a child back to sleep or wipe a bottom without ever really moving into "full awake" status. So, as soon as I'm in bed again, I'm back to sleep.

Until pregnancy...

I don't know what it is about being pregnant but it gives me sporadic insomnia. Not the kind that means I can't fall asleep at bedtime but the kind that I can't get back to sleep if I get woken up. And, as I mentioned, I get woken up a lot. Lately, it has been once with each girl and at least once to pee.

I was awake from 4 a.m. until somewhere in the middle 5's this morning. And let me tell you, insomnia is a phenomenal waste of time.

The problem, as you may well know if you've gone through it, is that I am awake enough to think but not awake enough to think anything rational. I don't get anxiety, I just try and have normal thought processes that are hindered by the fact that it is the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. It goes something like this:

"Should I go to the grocery store tomorrow? What do I have in the fridge? I can't remember if we have chicken. What day is it tomorrow--do I have to go to work? Wait, no it's Friday, I'll be home. What am I supposed to do tomorrow? I really liked that chicken recipe I made the other day, I wonder if there are leftovers still I could have for breakfast? I'm hot. Is that a kid making noise? Maybe I'll pray a little. Dear God.....uhhh. I think I have to pee again. What was it I needed to put on my calendar? I wonder if there is a way I can blog about this. WHY AREN'T I SLEEPING YET? "

Notice, no answered questions, no new plans, no problems solved. Just a lot of not sleeping. I have at least learned that checking the clock every 5 minutes only leads to frustration so I don't do it.

So, here I am this morning, up with the kids at 6:30, tired and therefore letting them run the house a little more than usual. Currently, they are playing with water in the living room. Not my first choice. But it means that I can blog about insomnia which redeems it slightly.

Don't call me from 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. I will be taking a nap. :D


Skerrib said...

Oh man do I relate lately. 5 am daily.

Suzanne said...

Wow! I too can relate! I also had something I think is restless leg syndrom when I was pregnant. It's gone now (for the most part) but when you can't sleep AND you have lightning coursing through your legs, it stinks.
I'll be praying for some nice rest for you!